Lorenz the Cable Guy

I’ve decided to write another blog post instead of taking a plunge in the frigid mountain spring waters that are my shower. (Apparently my hot water has been shut off). Now, I can’t help but laugh at the irony that on Śmigus-Dyngus, a day centered around drenching passersby with buckets of water , I don’t have the luxury of taking a nice, warm – or even lukewarm – shower. Being new to Poland and all, I’m not 100% about what this day is all about, but I think it’s pronounced as a combo of the names of the two characters below and is mostly an excuse to throw water on girls (maybe the Polish version of a wet T-shirt contest?).

Normally, I’d think that problems such as these could be fixed easily with a short phone call, but normally, I’d be wrong. You see, the last time Ry and I tried to overcome adversity (lack of internet) with a simple phone call, a technician showed up at the door with whom I had a conversation entirely via Google translate on my phone. This Polish internet guy explained he needed to drill a hole through my wall to the hallway outside and then left saying he’d be back some other day. He never came back. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

One week later, helpful installer number 2 graced us with his presence at the ripe old hour of 9:30 PM, a time that seemed appropriate to began using what looked to be a murder weapon to drill through my wall – awakening the young children who may or may not live in the crawl space above the hall. Yep, we’re making friends.

While this was going on, and this very trustworthy man was working diligently to install what he claimed was an internet cable in my apartment and not a camera, I began receiving texts that said “Any minute now, I feel like he’s gonna assemble a short rifle and assassinate us,” and “He’s waiting to receive 50% of the bounty via wire transfer before proceeding with the deed.” Ry was obviously taking the situation as seriously as I was.

Eventually he left and our internet must be working because I’m writing this. Now just to sort out how to fix the hot water…


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